While attempting to quench my thirst, I downed the wrong pipe, choked, swallowed the rest down the right pipe, gagged, coughed a bit, sneezed twice, and finally burped.
Surprisingly, the never elusive fart failed to make an appearance.
I need to start posting again.
Really.
I have a tummy ache.
While walking back to work from 7-Eleven:
Kurt, eating a tasty bar: “So, I’m trying to decide if I should go play video games tonight or not. I’m real tired and –”
Me, bending over super quick like: “OUCH!”
Kurt, concerned: “What’s going on?!”
Me, still bent over, perhaps in shock: “I’ve been stung! Something has stung me on the back of my neck!”
Kurt, sounding surprised, (but I really can’t tell visually because I’m still bent over, perhaps in shock, staring at his big black boot): “Don’t move! There’s a millipede on your head. A GIANT millipede!”
Me, still bent over, no longer in shock, but in terror: “AAAHHH!!!”
Kurt, smacking the horror off my head: “EARWIG! It’s one of those pincher bugs!”
Me, still bent over and seeing a SUPER SIZED SCARY BUG with bits of my neck between its mandibles scurrying on the ground towards me and looking for more since once you’ve gotten a taste of maRk! you’ve got to go back for seconds… and thirds!: “I’ve been bitten! I mean PINCHED!”
Kurt, calmly squishing the abomination with his massive shoeboot: “Die, Damn you, Die.”
Me, still bent over, but starting to relax: “Yes: Die, Damn you, Die.”
Kurt, wiping the creature from bottom of his boot on the sidewalk: “It is no more.”
Me, finally, but slowly standing up and rubbing the back of my neck: “Thanks.”
Kurt, taking a bite of his tasty bar and staring to walk again: “Uh-huh.”
Me, continuing to rub the back of my neck and walking also: “Video games could be kinda fun.”
Kurt, finishing off his tasty bar: “Yeah, but I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
We walk into the sunset.
Fin.