One is the Loneliest NUMBAH!
The Wife: “Why are you singing Aimee Mann into the refrigerator?”
Me: “I’m not singing Aimee Mann into the refridgerator. I’m singing Three Dog Night into the refridgerator. ‘One’ was written by Harry Nilsson while he was working at a bank and Three Dog Night’s version made it into the Top Five in 1969. Aimee Mann did a version in 1994 for a tribute album to Harry Nilsson which was then used five years later in the film Magnolia. I am not singing that version.”
Wife: “So, Encyclopedia Brown, had I said, ‘Why are you singing Harry Nilsson in the refrigerator?’ would this conversation still be taking place with you correcting me as to whose version you’re singing, or would I be that much closer to finding out the mystery of WHY you are singing into the refrigerator?”
Me: “Encyclopedia Brown is a fictional boy detective.”
Wife: “‘Mr. Know-It-All’?”
Me: “Mr. Know-It-All just gives advice.”
Wife: “You’re not answering the question.”
Me: “Sorry, you lost me with your excessive use of the word ‘refridgerator’. You know I don’t like that word.”
Wife: “I’m not going to stop using words you can’t spell.”
Me: “But does it make sense?!?! Why would the word ‘fridge’ have a ‘D’ in it, but not the word ‘refrigerator’?”
Wife: “Why is it that when you are speaking the word ‘refrigerator’ while thinking of its correct spelling, you pronounce each syllable?”
Me: “Never answer a question with a question… unless your one of those Zen Monks. Are you a Zen Monk? I don’t think so.”
Wife: “Re Frige Er A Tor.”
Me: “…”
Wife: “…”
Me: “Are you done?”
Wife: “Are you going to tell me what’s up with you singing a song, that three different people have sung, into the refrigerator?”
Me: “Zen monk?”
Wife: “Zen monk…E, back ‘atcha.”
Me: “Eep. Eep.”
Wife: “Fine. Be that way. And if you’re singing about that ONE beer you forgot you drank two days ago? Good luck with that.”
CURSES!