Sometimes I Forget How Bad My Memory Is: Part II
I have a really bad memory.
Actually, I have a really SELECTIVE memory.
I don’t know the technical name for it even though the wife swears it’s “Doofus Extremus”.
But I digress.
I can tell you the name of every single classmate I had in second grade or the bloody details of my losing my front baby tooth in the Big Wheel accident of 1974, but the chance of my telling you what I was wearing yesterday or had for breakfast today is much more difficult.
DING!
Jeez. Fucking. Louise.
Me, shouting across the apartment towards the kitchen: “HONEY!!! ALZHEIMER’S!!! I’M AT THE EARLY STAGES OF ALZHEIMER’S!!! I’M DOOMED!!! DOOMED, I TELL YOU!!!”
The wife, from the bedroom on the opposite side of the apartment, calm as usual: “You don’t have Alzheimer’s and frankly, I’m surprised you’re even using that word.”
Me, still shouting: “I CAN SPELL IT!!! I CAN SPELL IT!!! ALZHEIMER’S!!! A-L-Z-H-E-I-M-E-R-APOSTROPHE-SSSSSSSSSSS!!! ALZHEIMER’S!!!”
Wife, calm, but slightly agitated: “If you had Alzeheimr’s do you really think you would be able to spell ‘Alzheimer’s’?”
Me, louder than before: “WOMAN, THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!! ALZHEIMER’S AFFECTS SHORT-TERM MEMORY LIKE IN THAT MOVIE WITH THE GUY WHO CAN’T REMEMBER SHORT-TERM THINGS!!!”
Wife, tired: “Do you have ANY idea what you are yelling about?”
Me, just as loud as before: “IN MEMENTO, GUY PEARCE PORTRAYED LEONARD SHELBY AND HAD SHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS, JUST LIKE ME!!! SURE IT WASN’T *EXACTLY* ALZHEIMER’S, BUT THE SYMPTOMS WERE THE SAME!!! DON’T YOU REMEMBER THAT MOVIE??? IT WAS ALL OUT OF ORDER AND STUFF AND THE DIRECTOR, CHRISTOPHER NOLAN, ALSO DID INSOMNIA WHICH WE SAW WITH ALBERTO AT AMC SARATOGA; AND THEN HE, CHRISTOPHER NOLAN, NOT ALBERTO, DID BATMAN BEGINS, WHICH WE RENTED FROM THAT KID CARL WITH THE LISP WHO USED TO WORK OVER AT HOLLYWOOD VIDEO BEFORE HE WENT TO USC TO STUDY LINGUISTICS; AND THEN HE, AGAIN, CHRISTOPHER NOLAN, NOT CARL, DID THE PRESTIGE WHICH WAS LIKE FIGHTING MAGIC MOVIE WARS WITH THE ILLUSIONIST (WHICH IN ITSELF SEEMED LIKE A MAGICKY RIP OFF OF THE USUAL SUSPECTS) BUT WE BOTH KNOW THOSE FILMS WILL BOW BEFORE THE SOON TO BE CLASSIC MAGICIANS FROM THE GREAT DAVID MITCHELL AND ROBERT WEBB WHO GAVE THE BRITS, BUT NOT US AMERICANS, THAT MITCHELL AND WEBB LOOK!!! THOSE GUYS ARE SO INCREDIBLY FUNNY!!! REMEMBER ‘THE SURPRISING ADVENTURES OF SIR DIGBY CHICKEN CAESER’??? THAT LITTLE ‘DUN-DEEDLY-DUN-DEEDLY-DUN’ HUM THEME MAKES ME CRACK UP EVERY TIME!!! EVERY!!! TIME!!!”
Long pause.
Me, “WHERE WAS I GOING WITH THIS???”
Wife, yelling like I’ve never heard her yell before: “DO I HAVE TO COME OUT THERE AND KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOU?!?!?!”
Me, mumbly and holding back the tears: “Alzheimer’s, baby. Alzheimer’s.”
April 9th, 2007 at 11:15 am
I love you dad. I have the same thing: I can remember stuff from my childhood or movies, or special occasions, but I forget really simple stuff like what I did the other day or where I put my phone.
I think it’s called ‘absent mindedness’
It’s because we’re geniuses, you know it is. ^~
April 9th, 2007 at 1:01 pm
I have a daughter?